Why Every ADHDer should get themselves a ND ying to their yang
26th September 2022 Kaya walked into my office for an interview for a position as office administrator for Wynne and Co. I’ll never forget the moment I laid eyes on her, she had a black dress on with white spots or splodges, long brown hair and black rimmed glasses, sort of Harry Potter style. Little did I know at the time that she would happily claim her place in Huffle Puff given the chance.
She was obviously nervous, and fidgety (later we started calling this stimming), had a notebook with info in it which she never opened. As the nerves dissipated and she started to enjoy the meeting, complete this a beaming smile and a few giggles for good measure. She announced that all she wanted was a job where she felt valued and her favourite thing was to “help other people”.
I couldn’t take the smile off my own face as my ADHD “spidey senses” went into overdrive and I knew we just had to have her in our team. The positive vibe and energy between us was present in the first few minutes and remains, even stronger to this day.
I was literally “on my ass” after two and a half years of Covid which had resulted in my needing to shield, with significant fear of my life after being told the odds of me dying from Covid were 1/5. I’m an accountant, normally those odds I’d have been comfortable, but with a young family and being the main breadwinner with minimal income protection I was not.
Another, marginally more professional term for “on my ass” might be “ADHD burnout”. I was undiagnosed at the time and lost my number one core value “freedom” and my second “connection” had taken a massive hit from the isolation.
We’d had the busiest and worse two years of our careers, it had been relentless. The amount of admin required to just liaise with HMRC had gone through the roof and we desperately needed more support for the accounting team. Kaya set to work organising things straight away, immediately relieving pressure from myself and Catrin.
There was something different about her, I didn’t know what it was, but that was cool – there was something weirdly different about me too but we just seemed to “get” each other. Little did we know until recently that were both neurodivergent – with some similar traits but also some significant differences which make us an invincible team.
When I went for ADHD assessment in January 2024 I fully expected to also be assessed as Autistic. I have significant sensory challenges and this had resulted in the screening for assessment in the first place. These are common traits in ADHD and Autism and something Kaya and I share.
Labels – you might as well shove a cactus down my back – cause that’s what they feel like.
Noisy places, flashy lights, places that are too hot – no no no no no! UNLESS – it’s a gig…. Then for whatever reason, bring on the dopamine (after the anxiety of actually getting there in the first place)
The ability to spot a “wrong-un” before they’ve even opened their mouths to speak is uncanny. Best of luck to anyone trying to hoodwink us. Both can have a huge amount of empathy. Feelings can be more extreme, unjustified self-doubt is also common to both.
Then there are the opposites. The things that as a team make us achieve our mutual goals in a rapid, easy style.
People – we love people, but O-M-G we also hate people. The last thing Kaya wants to do is make hours of small talk with you, I on the other hand don’t know when to shut up and keep my thoughts to myself – regularly blurting out personal info – the things others think are.
I’m full of the ideas, lacking in the focus needed for delivery – Kaya is much more focussed and less impulsive, keeping me on some sort of track.
I like to set rules as structure is good for me, it doesn’t mean I’ll follow them though – Kaya isn’t afraid to challenge me on this as “those are the rules you decided upon!”. She’s probably the only person in my team with the balls to be so direct.
I love the excitement of starting something new, she likes to finish things and get them off the “to-do list” – Something I can’t even draw up most of the time.
When we’re both emotionally dysregulated – be that upset or flying off the handle the other knows how to restore calm in a manner no one else seems to understand.
So KB here’s to you – my friend, my PA, my confident. I honestly don’t know what I would do without you – may we carry on laughing til our bellies hurt together for years to come, and never be embarrassed to cry together when things are shit too!
My recommendation to other ND people – find your ND buddy(ies), they’ll be good with how weird you are, so you’ll always feel safe with them.